Shut The Front Door

Money doesn’t cause most tension between couples , meaning does. (after a certain point)

And meaning is often the thing left unsaid.

When I sit with couples buying property together, I see it play out again and again. They’re a strong team , great careers, good communication, aligned on the big picture. But underneath, there’s usually one small assumption left unspoken.

A “It’s fine, we’ll figure it out.”
Until they don’t.

The Unsaid

One partner quietly imagines weekend walks by the sea.
The other dreams of a townhouse near coffee and conversation.
Both nod politely when an agent mentions “good schools” or “space to grow.”

But they’re often agreeing to different pictures in their heads.

It’s not conflict. It’s a quiet misalignment, the kind that starts as compromise and, left unspoken, grows into resentment.

Why It Happens

Buying property as a couple is like booking a holiday on impulse , the thrill of clicking confirm before thinking through the logistics.
Except there’s no 24-hour cancellation policy.

We assume we’ll adapt.
We tell ourselves the commute won’t matter, the upkeep won’t drain us, the location will “make sense later.”
But those micro-tolerances add up.

One partner travels constantly and says, “It’ll be fine , I’m barely home.”
Meanwhile, the person who’s actually there full-time now has to build a life in isolation , without local community, support, or convenience.

That’s not about money.
That’s about meaning.

The Everyday Reality

We romanticise the “dream home.” The sweeping staircase, the guests at Christmas, the idyllic dinner parties.
But those moments are rare.
What really defines happiness in a home is what happens between those occasions, the Tuesday evenings, the commutes, the quiet mornings.

Every choice carries a cost.
More space can mean more isolation.
Privacy can mean distance from connection.
City convenience can mean less room to breathe.
There’s no right or wrong , only awareness of which price you’re actually paying.

The Token to Talk

One thing I encourage couples to use is what I call a “token to talk.”
Give each other permission , genuinely , to speak without interruption about what matters most.

Ask questions like:

What does “home” actually mean to you?

What do you need around you when I’m not there?

What do you fear might frustrate you later?

You’d be amazed what surfaces when people feel they’re allowed to say the “silly” things.
Because those are rarely silly , they’re just unspoken.

The Reality of Compromise

I’ve learned that no decision is ever entirely one-sided.
Every location, every home, every lifestyle has a “price” , and not just the one written on the brochure.

If you live further from the city, you trade proximity for space.
If you live central, you gain access but lose privacy.
If one of you travels constantly, the other inherits the full rhythm of the house.

The point isn’t to eliminate compromise.
It’s to make it conscious.

A Practical Reflection

Before you add another viewing to your calendar, take an hour.
Sit somewhere you might live. Have a coffee.
Don’t scroll listings , just picture your daily routine.
Would this feel energising or isolating?
Would it work for both of you , or just one?

And if you find yourselves unsure , that’s good.
That’s where real clarity begins.

Because the goal isn’t to win the bidding war.
It’s to find alignment before the contract.

A Final Thought

No one will have these conversations for you.
Agents will sell what they have.
Friends will tell you what they did.
But you’re the one who has to live the result.

So before you say, “We’ll figure it out,” pause long enough to make sure you’re figuring out the same thing.