STFD: Do You Want Me To Help Or To Listen?

This simple question has transformed my marriage and the way I work with people. It’s a powerful phrase that applies to all areas of life, especially when searching for a property.

When you're viewing homes, the people you bring along, family, friends, or even your well-meaning Uncle Randy, want to support you. They love you and want the best for you. But if they don’t know what kind of help you need, they can actually hinder your search rather than enhance it.

Let’s talk about how to guide the people around you so that their presence adds value rather than distraction.

The Problem: Unclear Expectations Create Chaos

Imagine this: You’re mortgage-approved, cash-ready, and eager to find the perfect home. You’ve done your research, lined up viewings, and maybe even brought someone you trust to help. But here’s where it can go sideways.

If you don't tell them exactly what you need, they will naturally default to their own instincts. And those instincts might not match what you actually want from them.

Take Uncle Randy, for example. If you simply send him an address and meet him at the property without any instructions, what happens? He’s going to walk in, point at every crack, make comments about things you don’t care about, and ultimately throw off your focus.

The issue isn’t that he wants to be difficult; it’s that he doesn’t know his role.

 And when there’s no clear role, there’s no focus.

The Solution: Define Their Role Beforehand

To make sure your viewings are productive, you need to set clear expectations before you even step inside a property.

✅ Decide What You Need From Them

• Do you want them to take notes?

• Do you want them to look for specific things, like damp, cracks etc.

• Do you want them to ask the estate agent questions?

• Or do you just want them to listen and give their opinion later?

✅ Communicate Clearly
Before the viewing, send a quick message or have a chat:
"Uncle Randy, I’m viewing a house tomorrow at 123 Main Street at 10 AM. I’d love for you to come along, but here’s how you can help me best. I tend to get caught up in excitement, so can you focus on checking for cracks, damp spots, and the boiler’s age? Maybe take a few photos too? After the viewing, we’ll grab a coffee and go through everything together."

✅ Create a Post-Viewing Structure
Instead of getting overwhelmed by multiple opinions on-site, set aside time afterward to discuss things in a structured way. Buy your helper a coffee and go through their observations. This keeps the process productive rather than chaotic.

The Benefits of Guiding Others in Helping You

When you clearly define what you need from others, you:

• Stay in control of the viewing process.

• Make better decisions because you're focused on what matters.

• Ensure your helpers feel valued rather than frustrated or confused.

At the end of the day, property viewings aren’t speed dating - you need structure, focus, and clarity. And if you’re bringing someone along, make sure they understand the role they’re playing.

3 Key Takeaways

1. Decide before the viewing if you need help or just an extra set of ears. If you don’t communicate this, expect mixed and unfiltered opinions that may derail your focus.
   

2. Set clear expectations for what you need them to do. Whether it’s taking notes, spotting potential issues, or simply offering support, guide them beforehand.
   

3. Limit your viewings to a manageable number. Three is ideal - any more, and the details will blur together. And always, always buy your helper a decent coffee afterward.
   

By taking these steps, you’ll make the most of your property search, and keep your sanity in the process.