Shut The Front Door

Property Is Identity, Not Just Shelter

When we talk about property, we often pretend it's a purely practical decision. Number of bedrooms. Commute time. Schools nearby. But if you listen closely, to your own thoughts or to others, you’ll quickly realise: property isn’t just shelter. It’s identity.

Think about how we make decisions in other areas of life. A pair of shoes. A gym membership. A restaurant. Even food delivery. These aren’t just transactions. They’re expressions of who we believe we are, or want to be seen as.

Property is no different. In fact, it might be the most psychologically loaded purchase we ever make.

The Invisible Currency of Location

There’s an emotional language embedded in addresses. Some postcodes have social currency. They’re the black AmEx of the property world. Mention them and people immediately place you in a certain category. It’s not always fair. It’s not always accurate. But it’s real.

Look at how people talk about where they live. Ever heard someone say, “It’s not the nicest area, but…” or “We just got in before prices went mad”? These caveats reveal something deeper: a need to signal that the place we live aligns with our perceived status or aspirations.

And this isn’t limited to ego. Sometimes, it’s legacy. Maybe you grew up in a certain neighbourhood and feel an unspoken expectation to stay there. Or perhaps it’s rebellion, a desire to live somewhere completely different, but still influenced by that original identity.

Social Proof, But Make It Real Estate

We all rely on social proof, those subtle cues that tell us something is valuable because others believe it is. That applies to clothes, careers, even coffee shops. But in property, it’s even more pronounced.

At the school gate, in the coffee queue, at a dinner party, location becomes a shorthand for identity. We group ourselves instinctively. And, often, those groups correlate closely with where people live. It’s not good or bad. It just is.

Settling and the Long-Term Apology

Here’s where it gets sticky. Sometimes we settle. That’s life. Budgets are real. Timing matters. But settling isn’t the problem. Resentful settling is.

Have you ever met someone who spends 20 years apologising for their home? Every invitation laced with “It’s nothing fancy” or “Don’t mind the place, it’s not where we wanted.” That’s not about square footage. It’s about the internal dissonance of living in a space that doesn’t match the identity you hoped to project, or the life you thought you’d live.

The Question We Rarely Ask Ourselves

When looking at a property, ask this:
Am I choosing this through my own eyes, or through someone else’s?

Are you stretching your budget for an address that “feels right” because it impresses people you don’t even like? Are you rejecting perfectly good options because they don’t align with an outdated version of who you think you’re supposed to be?

There’s no right answer.

But there is a right question, and that’s where the clarity begins.

A Few Actionable Reflections:

1. Audit your “why”: Write down why you’re drawn to a certain area. Then ask yourself which reasons are truly yours.
   

2. Notice your language: Are you justifying your choice to others? Are you apologising in advance?
   

3. Redefine winning: Your version of success might not look like your neighbour’s, or your parents’. That’s okay.
   

4. Embrace honesty: If you’re living somewhere out of legacy, duty, or fear of judgement, it’s worth having a quiet chat with yourself about that.
   

Everyone’s version of home is different. And everyone’s version of winning is different, too.

You don’t have to live in Donnybrook just because you grew up there. You don’t have to buy a villa in Spain just because your colleagues did. What matters is that it feels right for you. That it reflects your story, not someone else’s expectations.

Because in the end, property isn’t just bricks and mortar. 

It’s autobiography.